When My Cell Phone Rings

I have long had a tendency to not register when my cell phone rings, which is quite unusual, because at home, I tend to answer the phone on the first ring. This tendency always annoyed my husband, especially since almost no one else ever called my cell phone. Finally, I had him record a new ring tone for me. Now, when my phone rings, it’s his voice yelling at me “Answer the phone, answer the phone, c’mon, answer the phone.” That always gets my attention.

But now, it’s different. On the rare occasion that I actually turn my cell phone on, and the even rarer occasions that my cell phone rings, I don’t want it to stop ringing. There’s so many things I miss about Nick since he died.

His voice yelling at me to answer my phone is bittersweet. I know when I answer it, it won’t be him; it won’t ever again be him, no matter how much I want it to be. And I don’t want to answer it; I just want it to be on an endless loop of hearing his voice, even if it makes me sit here and cry.

People die; but that doesn't mean your love for them dies, too.