Sisters

Last year, on December 12, I got the best early birthday present ever: a new sister. That’s the day I found out that Linda wasn’t just my pretend cousin, but my actual half-sister. And that led to a very different year for me.

For years, I had been the only one of my family left in the greater New York area, which left me very alone family wise once Nick died. Linda and I had always been in touch, but as childhood friends often do, our relationship had petered out to Christmas cards, Facebook, and the occasional phone call. Suddenly, I found myself in driving distance to a large, welcoming, family.

The first time I went out to Long Island to see Linda, she drove all the way up to the Poconos to get me. In the two hour drive back to her house, I spent a lot of time getting the names of all my new family straight. I remembered Linda’s three oldest children from their pre-school days, but now they (and her youngest) were all adults with spouses, significant others, and kids of their own. And I had met Linda’s long time boyfriend/partner, Jimmy, a few times, but I had never met either of his two children. And we are an inclusive family: if you are related to one of us, by birth or marriage, you are family to all of us.

When we got to Linda’s, I was glad I had spent some time getting everyone’s name straight in my head. My family had suddenly grown by some two dozen, and it was a lot of people to keep straight all at once.

The rest of the year seems to me to be punctuated by work and going to Linda’s. She drove me out for Easter, but I drove myself out for 4th of July, and then again for Jessica and Peter’s bon voyage party, in for Linda’s birthday, and for Labor Day, again before our trip to Mississippi (more on that in another entry!). We went to the Factory Outlet stores (my favorite, of course, being Vera Bradley); we went to the little shop for lunch where I always struggled between ordering an Acai bowl or a real Nathan’s frankfurter and French fries (as much as I loved the Acai bowl, those French fries usually won out); we went to Maureen’s diner and had magnificent pistachio/blueberry pancakes (one of the very few times I have ever posted a food picture on Facebook). We spent Fourth of July getting sunburned while floating around in Bobby’s heated salt water pool. We spent Labor Day at Mike’s camper, parked on the beach at Smith’s Point. We watched Daniel Tiger and Caillou with Linda’s youngest grandchild, the adorable R.J. We visited the classroom that Linda’s oldest grandchild, the lovely Krystina, was decorating for her first full-time, permanent teaching position. We partied at Stacey’s; we hung out with Joey; we went to a psychic, and we did mundane things, too, like folding laundry, and visiting Donna in the hospital, and going to the bank and the supermarket. It was quite a difference from the usual well-ordered and mundane life I was used to leading, and I absolutely loved it,

But here’s the thing: none of this would have happened if we hadn’t all accepted Linda as one of our own. I realize that our circumstances with Linda were unusual, in that we had always known one another. But so many people find their families, and are rejected. Who knows how many people don’t look for fear of being rejected? We later found an Aunt, and gained a number of first cousins – but at the same time, other “original” cousins did their best to block our research. Their failure to fully accept Linda and our Aunt leave them the poorer. Fear of having to rewrite their “perfect” family genealogy leaves them living with a lie rather than embracing the truth.

We are an inclusive family. We know there is one more sister out there. She was born on May 29, 1945 in Staten Island, and her birth name was Laura. If you know her, please tell her that her sisters are trying to find her.