Forgiveness

A presentation to the Palm Beach Diocese Conference of Catholic Women of Ascension Church, Boca Raton, FL; November 21, 2023

Today, I want to talk about forgiveness.

When we sin – and we do all sin- we have a certain expectation that we will be forgiven. We know we must go to confession for the forgiveness of mortal sins, but we may be blasé about having to go to confession just for some silly venial sin.

Now, I’m not here to talk about why you should go to confession. You already know why. You already know the church requires you to go to confession at least once a year (and btw, encourages you to go a lot more often than that). But I want to talk about how we forgive others.

When someone wrongs us, we may not want to forgive. We may want to hold a grudge. We may want to seek revenge.

When we wrong someone, do we want them to forgive? Do we want them to hold a grudge? Do we want them to seek revenge?

If someone has committed a crime, and served their time, and done all the things and restitution the law requires, and perhaps has even gone above and beyond the requirements of the law, do we recognize their rehabilitation and welcome them back into full communion? Or do we continue to throw more and more roadblocks in front of them, and make sure they know that they’re just not welcome here?

At what point does our non-forgiveness and inability to forgive the wrongs of another become solely our sin? At what point does our refusal to accept the return of another make us the sinner?

The prodigal son’s father did not turn him away, did not punish him, did not harangue him about his wrongdoings. Instead, he welcomed his son home, rejoicing in his return.

If we cannot do that for one another, can we rightly call ourselves Christians?

Let me give you the example of my brother. Years ago, when he was young and stupid, he had a habit of, well, to put it nicely, driving other people’s cars without permission. He stopped doing that years ago, and my sisters and I have long since forgiven him for the times our own cars disappeared - but when I visit him, I still make sure my car keys are not left out on the coffee table. It’s not exactly that I don’t trust him – but why tempt him, or fate? I’ve forgiven him, but I still exercise a certain amount of caution around him.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you ignore their shortcomings. It means that you take prudent steps to help them avoid those near occasions of sins. Because all of us, at some time, in some way, have needed others to do that for us. I’ve never taken anyone’s car – but if your favorite pen is missing from your desk, you should probably ask me for it. I don’t mean to walk away with other people’s pens, but I do do that. (Granted, a pen is more easily replaced than a car, but I think you get my point.)

If we don’t forgive, how can we expect forgiveness?

And without forgiveness, how do we live with ourselves – and others?

So, this thanksgiving (you didn’t think I’d totally ignore it, did you?), this thanksgiving, give thanks for all the times you have forgiven, and all the times you’ve been forgiven. And move forward, living with a forgiving heart and a soul at peace with the Lord.